this just in...

I'm a planner. I love to plan. I have calendars... yes, plural. I love making weekend plans, vacation plans, dinner plans. I mean, I am pretty much the self-appointed birthday committee chairperson for most of my friend's birthday parties. Don't get me wrong, I love being spontaneous... but that's all when I don't have a plan. I mean, I'll make a plan for the weekend to do nothing, and then fill it with all kinds of spontaneous fun things. But, at least I planned on doing nothing...

Here's the deal, I don't like it when my plans fall through. I'm buying a house. I've set up the utilities, gas, internet, alarm... even getting my address change. I like to be prepared as much as possible. I have the contractor lined up to literally start on the house as soon as I get the keys. I've picked out the paint, hardwood floors, stove, fridge, washer, dryer, countertops... heck, even my sink. I did all of this, even preparing for closing to happen a day later or so. Well. This just in. Closing... yeah... let's add like 10 days to that. For real? 10 days? 

This is NOT necessarily the time I was hoping to be spontaneous. Really.

I found out the possibility of closing a "few" days later on Friday right before I left work. My instant reaction was frustration. I kept saying to myself, "This is NOT a big deal!" But, I was fighting the planner inside of me... already thinking of how I would have to call each place to delay set up and how this just pushes back every little plan made along the way. And, that it effects more than just me. My parents, aunt, Beth, my friend that was going to move me on Veteran's Day. All of them are going to have to re-think and re-schedule their weekends or if they will be able to come at all. But, as soon as I came out of the only-child-syndrome, I started praying. After all, I want HIS plan over my own. If that means I don't close on time, then it is for God's glory. If that means that I don't close at all, then it is for God's glory. If it means that my contractor falls through and I move in as-is, then it is for God's glory. I have faith in God's plan for me... and that includes this house that I have dreamed big dreams about. I only want it if He wills it for me. It's His money, His loan. 

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. - Hebrews 11:1

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. - Proverbs 19:21

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. - 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Please know I'm not trying to be dramatic. This is just really a fight over control in my heart. If I had it my way, I would totally be in control. (And everything would be right on schedule, by the way.) So, this is just a struggle that I'm putting out there before the world. I have to pray my way through it... and totally remember the unbelievable provision He's given me along the way. I mean, seriously. Heaven sent. Even today, in the midst of my unwelcomed news that closing will be for sure delayed, I got the news that I am locked in at this incredible interest rate... that will for sure save me $$ over time! Why can't I just be hyped over that? Control, planner Sarah needs to bounce. I think I need the spontaneous, fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants Sarah a lot more... especially in this situation! And now that I'm starting to sound bipolar, I'm going to stop writing...