I know, I'm a little late... but here's my Twilight Series review...

SPOILER ALERT - If you are planning on reading the Twilight Series, don't read any further... I'm about to reveal all of the mysteries...

So, Linda and I decided a few months back that we would give in and watch the Twilight movie. Just to see what it was all about. Well, we liked it. She immediately decided that she wanted to read the books, and I just thought I'd pull another Harry Potter trick and just wait for all the movies to find out what happened. That lasted all of 2 months...

I found out that my mom, good ol' Pauls, has in fact read all of the Twilight series. She wanted to find out about what all of her 4th graders were reading. (This is an important fact that I will be coming back to later in this post.) And then, I find out that my friend at work, Julz, was reading it. Julz' excitement about this series was nothing short of mesmorizing and addicting. So, I bit the bullet and started reading...

Here are my short & sweet reviews...
Twilight. It was good. Sets the stage for the love of Bella and Edward... cool. Not much in here that I was thinking "WOAH! Easy there Stephenie Meyer"... but definitely a better read than the movie... +1 Point Stephenie Meyer

New Moon. Well hello there darkness. I mean... dang, talk about tugging at the heart strings. The break-up between Bella and Edward about did me in. I was crying... just because I couldn't help but see that Stephenie Meyer HAD to have drawn off of personal experiences to be able to write about what losing a love feels like. And then you have Bella wanting to be "friends" with Jacob... and I'm practically screaming at my book saying "You're doing that to avoid your feelings!! You aren't facing life and your broken heart!" And then I had to calm myself down by saying, she's only 18... she just doesn't know.

But, there is a BUT... my mom told me that her 4th graders were reading these books. So, I tried to look through the eyes of a young person, and I have to say... I really didn't like what I saw! I mean, as adults, we know that having a broken heart literally makes you want to lay in the middle of the woods and die. But, in reality, we don't. We get up the next day, we go to work and we deal. We turn to God for peace, we seek His wisdom and we endure. Lying in the woods is what we feel but it's not what we do. But, to a younger person reading these books... that's going to be what they think they should do when they have a broken heart... no matter what the cause! Ok... I'm getting off of my soap box... -5 points Stephenie Meyer (I was on a soap box... that constitutes getting major points off)

Eclipse. This one has been my favorite of the series. Jacob and Edward become "friends". Teamwork at it's best. Killing crazy Victoria. And Edward telling ol' Bells that he won't do it with her unless they are married. (That's a good message to the kiddos!) Engagement rings. Saving Seattle. It's just filled with a bunch of vampire-werewolf-human goodness. +3 Points Stephenie Meyer

Breaking Dawn. Oh my. I have to be honest and say that I haven't finished this one yet. But, it's a struggle. The good things: Bella and Edward get married, Bella doesn't die when they do it, they have an extra long honeymoon, Bella becomes a vampire but not a "normal" new-blood vampire, Bella finds out her special vampire power - "shielding". The crazy, outrageous "this is a stretch" things: ol' Bells getting preggo?? REALLY Steph?? Tell me... how does that work?? Edward is dead. He has no beating heart. He only drinks animal blood. How, in anyone's imagination, would he have sperm to impregnate Bells? (Yes, probably the last time any of you will read the word "sperm" on my blog... but it had to be said. Sorry Dad.) It does not make sense... even in the world of fiction. I know... vampires, werewolves, half-breeds... it all doesn't make sense. But REALLY?! I mean, I know that it's because she has a baby that Bella gets to become a vampire, but what about an accidental biting or something like that? Arg. If all of this could have been believable, she lost me at preggers. -4 points Stephenie Meyers

So...another outrageous thing - Jacob "imprinting" on Renesmee. That.is.creepy. I don't care if the kid is growing like a chia pet... and she'll be old enough for him to date in 3 weeks. This is a strrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeetch. -1 point Stephenie Meyers

And lastly, really? Renesmee? I know she's trying to put both mom's in one name... but that is the dumbest name I've heard in a while. I am personally glad when they refer to her as Nessie, because that's a little more bearable. -.5 points Stephenie Meyers

I'm sad to say, but I just can't get through the last book. It is a struggle for me. And I guess I keep on imagining the Bella from the movie and I'm thinking "she is going to be HORRIBLE in the Breaking Dawn movie!" Pretty sure it will be painful (not in a heart-breaking way) thing to watch.

In conclusion, I like the Twilight series. Even though I don't agree with or understand some of the crazy things that are written. If I can be allowed to put on my "future mom" hat, I'm pretty sure my kids won't be allowed to read these books until after they turn 16... ok maybe 18. I feel like kids need to live through life a little to be able to look at this as a work of fiction and not something to help you live in a whimsical dreamworld. Needless to say, the series is a fun read for adults who know the difference between good fiction and reality.

But, don't worry that I downloaded the soundtrack... and two of those songs just happen to be two of my ringtones. It's a good soundtrack, don't judge! Annnnd... also don't worry that Linda has bought the movie and we are constantly excited to watch it. Annnnd... I'm ready to see New Moon.

I like the books... just don't go buying me Twilight t-shirts or sheets for my bed...


  1. I loved your recap, hillarious. There were quite a few cooky things but still entertaing!

  2. Ok, here goes:

    I too was holding firm and not.about.to.read.Twilight because I thought the entire premise was ridiculous. A vampire love story? REALLY? But when we went on DOF everyone had read them and I was the lone loser so I fell off the wagon and began book 1. I was hooked. But I TOTALLY agree about the fact that the target audience are "tweens" and some of the plot/actions in the books are advanced in my opinion. Also, READ THE REST OF THE LAST BOOK. I absolutely loved it. In fact, New Moon was the hardest for me to get through. I started losing steam just because they are so long, but I loved Breaking Dawn.

    Reneesme...HATE the name. Hate it. -50 points Stephanie Meyer.

    Jacob imprinting on Reneesme...totally creepy.

    As for the movie...I am SO disappointed. I think they are SO cheaply done. The makeup is terrible. The acting is terrible. The character development is terrible. The book goes to extreme measures to tell us how beautiful Edward and all of the vampires are and the movie doesn't even mention that fact. I was bummed...I expected much more.

    That being said, wanna do movie night when New Moon comes out? :)