the feeling or the know :: part 1

Molly recently told me that I am really good at relying on my instincts. I took it as a compliment, but it got me to thinking. I really do rely on how things make me feel. As I've grown in my faith, I definitely pray about things before making a decision... but often I rely on my heart for the feel or the know. Like, if I ask God to give me wisdom on making a decision... if my heart doesn't change or seem to be deterred even just a little... I trust that I'm making the right move.

Some of the best things in my life have happened via the feel or the know. For instance, when it comes to my closest friends, I can remember just knowing that they would be in my life forever. When Beth and I had only hung out a few times prior to me going on a trip to Europe with my mom... I came back and asked her,  

"Is it weird that I missed you? I think we're supposed to be best friends..." 

Thankfully, she agreed :) The night I met a guy that I would end up dating for a long time, I wrote in my journal:  

"He may not be around forever, but I  know he'll be around for a while." 

When I moved to Austin the first time, when I moved to Dallas, when I moved back to Austin. I just knew... I just knew it was what I needed to do. When Linda and I decided to live together... I knew it would be the best thing for me. When I interviewed for my job at IBAT, before I was offered the job or told how much the pay would be or when I would need to start, I told my now-bosses,  

"I don't know if you want to offer me this job or not, but just know that if you do, I will take it."

I make decisions quickly... and I jump in with both feet. It's my nature to give 110% to the things in life I feel like I should do... the things I'm supposed to do. Whether serving in ministry, relationships, jobs, cities, buying a car or computer, heck... even buying a prom dress... I commit and commit quickly. I'm what some would call passionate.

To be honest, this passionate reality scares me. It scares me that my heart seems so easily swayed... so quick to decide. It scares me that I will somehow lose everything I've learned as soon as I meet the next guy. It scares me that I will dive into something and then struggle from it consuming me. It scares me to be passionate.

But, at the same time, I trust the passionate Sarah. I trust that it's God leading my heart. I trust that He's made me this way... even though I don't quite understand it. Looking back over the last 29 years, I don't think that having the feeling or the know has led me too far astray. In fact, I think the times where I go most off of course is when I try to push back the feeling or the know. I've learned the hard way to trust the feeling when I need to walk away... when I need to doubt... when I need to question... when I need to fight.

In part 2 of this post, I'll fill you in on the latest struggle to be passionate. Probably all of this will make better sense... :)

pulling a fast one...

Well... for some of you, I'm pulling a fast one on you! I always like to mix it up from time to time, so with much anticipation... I give you... the new, refreshed blog title and look!

When I originally named my blog "My Cup Runneth Over"... I truly meant it. I was and am overwhelmingly blessed by the love of Christ that surrounds me. But, like I posted in Apt 731, I feel like God is starting to make some big changes in my life. Some of which I know what they are, and a whole lot more that I have no clue what's to come! So... I thought a blog title change... a little refresher was appropriate.

My absolute favorite song ever is Don't Stop Believin' by Journey. I know, it's kind of cliche' now, but I have really always loved this song... you can ask my Momma! The first line of the song is, as most of you know,

"Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. She took a midnight train going anywhere..."

Well, I am certainly not living in a lonely world. And I didn't take a train anywhere, except for the time my mom and I rode the train to Dallas when I was 7. But, by the grace of God, I am a small town girl that landed in Austin, Texas. Gosh, I love this city... it's become part of who I am. I love being able to say that I live here, I love seeing how God is changing this city, I love being apart of that change, I love the music, the culture, the laid-back-ness, the unique things you can only find, do or see in Austin. I love that there is something that is always new to try, but that it's the heart of history of this great State.

But more than any of that, I fully, with all of my heart, trust this journey that God has me on. I know it's for His glory and His purpose... and I'm just blessed to have been chosen to be apart of it. So... I guess you could say that I "don't stop believin'" in this journey called life. As far as my posts go, nothing is changing... you'll still get some Jesus, the random funny story, the "what's going on" in my life and probably a few more food postings. It's all from this small town girl perspective... living in this great big world... all the while never ceasing to believe... Hope y'all are as hyped as I am!

blind.

Often, I pray for God to give me eyes to see and ears to hear... to break my heart for what breaks His. And, almost every single time I pray these things, I'm convicted by something I chose to spend my time reading, listening to, saying, watching or thinking. Always. So, I pray for it more... But, it wasn't until recently, that in the midst of praying these things, that I felt led to be thankful for the gifts to see, hear, speak, feel... and let's face it, taste, because I love food.

At any rate, yesterday I was on the plane coming back from a day-long meeting in Dallas. I was tired... I was ready to be home. I snagged a seat on the front row of seats in between two older men. Not really in the mood to talk, I figured that this was the safest bet. But then, that conviction of the Holy Spirit kicked in, and I at least thought I should make a little small talk... because I don't think Jesus would have ever just sat on a plane and not engaged in some meaningful conversation.

I started chatting with the man on my right, and quickly learned that he is 100% legally blind. He had beautiful, sky-colored eyes and a heart-warming smile. He loved his job of traveling all over Texas, sharing with different companies this incredible product that turns our print media into media for the blind. As he was talking, I was sitting there thinking, "no computer? no internet? no TV? no iPhone? no driving?!" It never really occurred to me that the blind really don't have all of those modern-day gadgets and conveniences that all of us don't even think twice about. But then, the good ol' Holy Spirit started tugging at my heart... again.

The truth is that I am blessed. I can see the beauty, wonder and greatness of God's creation. My sight is something I truly take for granted. I know that the Lord has provided incredible things for those without sight... I know that this man, and any other human with a beating heart, is created in God's image. I hope that all of you know I wasn't sitting there thinking, "Oh poor little blind man..." I was merely just reflecting on those precious gifts that I take for granted every single day. I was whole-heartedly convicted about the things I waste my sight on... facebook, stupid tv shows or stupid movies. I couldn't help but be sick at the thought that I chose these things often over reading my Bible, reading books or taking in God's creation... or anything that stirs my heart into loving Jesus more. I waste my sight.

Now, I'm not going to swear off TV or anything like that... but in those times where I know that I should be doing something else and my flesh just wants to sit on the couch and do nothing... well, I don't want to waste my sight anymore. I want to grow, learn and pray. I want to fall deeply and intimately in love with Jesus. I am a wasteful person... and I think I've finally had a little wake-up call. 

As I was leaving the airport yesterday, I thanked God for Steve. For using him in my life... and I just pray that Steve felt the love of Jesus through our conversation. We didn't talk about Jesus at all... but I just hope he felt His presence the way I did. :)  My heart has been stirred in a way that was desperately needed.