When I bought this house, I tried to have a plan of "attack". I had ordered appliances, settled on a contractor (who was INCREDIBLE, by the by) and started working on painting myself. I prayed for this house... I prayed what it would be to me AND to everyone that stepped foot into it. I was ready to make this house a home. I'm not going to bore you with crazy stories of having appliances on "hold" or about how I have memorized the extensions for the people I need to talk to at 1-800-BEST-BUY or how many trips I've made to Lowe's in the last month... but I do want to talk about the hardest thing I've had to learn... the we lessons.
Through the course of time between signing the dotted line and well... now, when asked about the house, I would often respond in the plural form. For example, "we're cutting a hole in the wall.", "we'll go over and paint tonight.", "it'll be so exciting once we're all moved in." Now please note, this became rather embarrassing... because, I, in fact, am not a we. I had to laugh it off a few more times than I care to admit.
At any rate, these are the 3 we things I have prayed through, figured out and learned from...
Simply stated, I am ready to be a "we". I had some incredibly lonely moments over the past month. Literally, carrying these burdens by myself. I prayed that I would let go, that I could lay all of my frustrations and worries at the Lord's feet. And, to be honest, I prayed for God to show me what I was missing... because I still had this huge stress that wasn't letting up. And, I prayed more consistently for a husband than I have in a very long time. I asked God to prepare my heart and the heart of some man that would be able to walk through this life with one another. To share the burden... even if it is still me having to take off of work or call the electrician or get a little fierce with a manager. I didn't necessarily need someone to take care of me... I just really desired to have someone to share the burden... and whenever I was struggling, to point me back to Jesus... to encourage and challenge me to love the people that, in that moment, were very hard to love. I wanted a partner. I still want a partner.
"even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you." - John 14:17
I knew I wasn't alone. I knew that God was walking me through this the whole thing... even though I didn't physically have someone beside me. But then it dawned on me... maybe a deeper layer of this "we" thing I keep on word-vomiting is because I am apart of a we... Now there's a eureka moment, Decker... come.on. I've been praying for a home for a long time... praying to have a place that brings God glory. He has provided in more ways that I have ever imagined. He has provided the way. HE makes me a we. I realized that I am part of this we. And I'm the one that had to go through these inconveniences so that He could be glorified and use this home the way He wants it used! "So, God, you're saying I didn't do this all on my own? I shouldn't get caught up on not having someone in this physically with me, because You are always there and seeing me through this?" - "Yes, dodo brain, I.got.this." Ok, so maybe God doesn't call me a dodo brain, and calls me "My beloved" instead... but it was the gut-punch I needed to tame this woe-is-me state I've been dwelling in.
"The Lord your God is in your midst..." - Zephaniah 3:17
So the last we lesson has really come into play over the last few weeks. I've handed out 4 keys to friends, they have their own alarm codes and they know they have to let Layla out when they come over. They know how the TV works, that they can add whatever they want to the Netflix and Hulu accounts. They have volunteered to have get-togethers at the house and then call me to let me know. They've met the neighbors. They know they've always got a home away from home. God has shown me that there is no I, my, me or mine in this... this is truly a we. In less than a month, He has not only given me a home, but given others a home too. It's what I've been praying for... and He's answered it so clearly and abundantly. I'm just excited to see what else He has in store!