watch for the Light

I've found in the past few years that Christmas has gotten harder. I think it makes me feel lonelier than usual. God has placed in me a desire to have a husband and kids. He has blessed me with so much to date... and I know that He will continue to do so in the years to come. I trust that. I walk in the faith that He will give me these desires. I try my best to be patient with His plan and His timing.

But, I've noticed that the Christmas season brings about a loneliness that I don't like. To be blunt, I want to kick it in the butt. I know that I, Sarah Decker, have zero control over my future... but I do know that the BEST thing I can do to fight the loneliness is to pray. Pray for the Spirit to fill me up with the REAL reason for Christmas. For the Spirit to prepare my heart for a real and TRUE celebration of life. I will pray for my heart and my mind to be focused on more than decorating or buying presents.

I'm also going to pray and try to center my heart around the coming of Jesus. Advent... a time of waiting... the great anticipation. So, I bought this book last year, and I never read through it... but am going to make a point to do so this year!

Prayer and advent. Hopefully those two things will stomp out any unwanted loneliness this season!

Merry Christmas!! LOVE that I can say that now :)

beinganaggieispainful

Disclaimer - I'm going off of 5 hours of sleep. And I've already said "touche" twice in 2 hours. That's a record.

I'm an Aggie. I'm a very proud Aggie. I love my school. I love our traditions. I love Aggie sports. I'm an Aggie. For better and for worse.

But. In light of a less-than-thrilling football season and seeing tweets and facebook statuses from non-Aggies, I need to air a few of my thoughts. Feel free to not read from here on out if you are just as feisty as I am this morning.

1. Sherman is a disappointment. Sherman is our coach. The coach that apparently doesn't know how to make adjustments during half time. You know, adjustments that could be made to win a game in the 2nd half? I'm sure he's a really nice guy. And I'm not bashing his character or morals or anything like that. No judgement on him as a person. Just his job. Just like someone could tell me I don't do a good job. Sherman... you don't do a good job. Our record is 6-6. 5 of the 6 loses were lost in the 4th quarter. That means we were up in the 4th and then lost. 11-1 would've been nice. That's all.

2. Aggie quarterback, Ryan Tannehill, is a good kid. A smart kid. It's just sad that he has fallen into the Senior Aggie Quarterback curse. We have one of those. Great Junior years, awful Senior years. I wish he could've thrown the ball in the right directions a few more times last night. The best player for UT last night was, in fact, Tanny.

3. Fact: I don't like UT at all. I tolerate UT. If they play someone I really really don't like, ie Texas Tech, I will pull more for the Horns... but still hope that there's a way for them to both lose. If they play someone I really don't have an opinion on, I just take the stance of "let the best team win". I may not like them winning... but whatever. The only thing I don't like is for UT to have a better record than A&M. And... well... I don't like UT winning at.all. during basketball season. I would be thrilled if they never won a basketball game. Just being honest.

4. Longhorn "bandwagon" fans. I'm not even going to lump people that didn't attend UT in this category. I grew up with an uncle, a cousin, and multiple good friends that are HUGE UT fans. Huge ones. And none of them went to the school. I live in Austin. That's where UT is. There are LOTS of UT fans here that have never gone to school there. That's okay. If you are lifelong fans... I respect that. There are lifelong Aggie fans that have never gone to A&M. That's awesome. I'm a lifelong Notre Dame fan. But, I've never even stepped on their campus. I digress. When I mean "bandwagon" fans, I mean the ones that ACT like lifelong fans, but have only cared about UT football since the days of Vince Young, ie circa 2005, ie the year they one the National Championship. These are bandwagon, ie Tshirt, fans. These are the fans that bother me the most. These are the fans that I lose respect for. These are the fans that make losing to UT really difficult to swallow. These are the fans that make me want to kick someone in the shins. And yes, if you must know, I feel embarrassed that A&M have these fans too... but let's face it, you don't see many bandwagon Aggie fans as of late.

5. Aggie War Hymn. Yes. We sing about UT and Bevo. So what. I bet most Longhorn bandwagoners don't know Texas Fight was originally written to combat the Aggie War Hymn. That's right... it was written in RESPONSE to the Aggie War Hymn. You mean Aggies got under the skin of the Horns? Hmm. Interesting. "Texas Fight, Texas Fight and it's goodbye to A&M" Google it. And no. I don't think we should change our War Hymn when we go to the SEC.

6. If you've followed my blog for any length of time, you know that I lost a dear friend in the Aggie Bonfire collapse in 1999. I'm not trying to be the Aggie that brings up Bonfire... believe me, it's hard to talk about sometimes. But, I bring it up now, because it wasn't until the Bonfire collapse that I learned to respect UT. They stepped up in a way that words can't describe in the days after the collapse. ALL of UT. Administrators, students and fans. I'm still moved by their actions, prayers and thoughtfulness during A&M's darkest hour. I graduated in 2003 from A&M. I really truly believe that, for the most part, the students that came to A&M post-Bonfire don't have the same respect for UT the way that pre-Bonfire Aggies do. Yes, us pre-ers have that love-hate relationship with UT, the post-ers just seem to hate, not all... but most. It bothers me. Alot. I hate that we have students that don't understand that this is a "respectful" rivalry... or at least it used to be. I'm not wanting us to stand around a campfire and sign Kumbaya... but do want us to have some respect. There's a documentary about the Bonfire collapse called "Burning Desire", it also includes the A&M-UT game that followed the week after the collapse.  I just ordered it. Not to sit on the couch with popcorn in hand and relive the great win... but to use it as a teaching tool for my kids. I want my kids to know what happened and why their momma has respect for a school that isn't my own. I want them to know that if they go to A&M, or even UT (gulp), that I expect them to treat these 2 schools, and whatever rivalry exists in 2033, with the utmost respect.

7. I'm ready to go to the SEC. I know we may not be true contenders for a few years, but I do believe that Arkansas went into the SEC in the same boat as the Aggies will. And, I think that ol' Arkansas is #3 in the nation. And I think that that gives me some hope.

8. Yelling at an Aggie Football game is a FANTASTIC ab workout. I'm real sore. And confession, I like having a raspy voice.

9. The next time the Aggies and the Horns meet will be a great game. We'll have a few seasons of playing in a pre-NFL conference and Texas may be independent by then. It'll be awesome. And I will try my best to be there. And I will have sore abs, no voice and tired, red eyes the next day.

10. I probably won't be watching the Aggies in a bowl game, if we get invited to one. We tend to be rather disappointing in bowls. I also probably won't be partaking in the annual college football pick contest that I usually do. Why? Cause I can't pick against the Aggies... so it's best not to pick at all. It's now Aggie Basketball season in my heart and in my house. And I'm okay about that...

Now, I'm going to need a pedicure, massage, big fat nap and a movie.

my reaction to the penn state scandal

i guess seeing as how i'm a sports fan, and a crazy college sports fan at that, a friend asked me yesterday what my thoughts were on the penn state scandal. i had to be honest in saying that i didn't know much about it... he ended up sending me an article on the timeline of events that took place. 

yes. it's easy to judge. it's easy to be angry. it's easy to blame. it's easy to call someone sick and perverted.

but, no matter how awful and vial this whole situation is, my reaction is that of a broken heart. like seriously, i cried this morning.

it breaks my heart that children were taken advantage of. that these boys, no matter what age, had their childhood robbed from them. that they trusted, maybe even their parents or guardians trusted, an organization who's main purpose was to give them positive interactions. that the emotional toll is probably far more damaging than we could ever imagine. it breaks my heart that some of the parents knew what happened, and despite approaching individuals, nothing was done about it. that things probably could've stopped dead-in-their-tracks if just one person would've stepped up. it breaks my heart that there is way more to this story than you or i know... and that it's probably a whole lot worse.

it breaks my heart that people knew that this was possibly going on, and didn't blow a whistle. that the people that did witness it and reported it stopped there. that harming children wasn't the first thing that broke their hearts. it breaks my heart that the people that did know about it valued the image of a university, or a football program, or a sports legend or whatever it was over the exploitation of children.

it breaks my heart that there are men and women that don't have courage to step up, to do what is right. that the saying "out of sight, out of mind" trumped doing what is right.

i'm not judging. i'm really not. my heart is broken. i've never witnessed anything like this. i've never known anyone to be sexually abused. i've never known a man or woman to take advantage of a child. i pray i never do. however, i'm not judging because i know that i'm just as broken as these men are. i'm not perfect. there are so many situations that have occurred in my 30 years that i have chosen to ignore, because it was the easy way out. none as big as this... but i'm just as guilty. so i can't judge.

but, what i can do is pray. and that is what i'm doing. i pray for men and women all over this world to stop taking advantage of and robbing the innocence from children. i pray that this situation only encourages more men and women to step up and do what is right. i pray for more whistle-blowers to have the courage to sound the alarm in their communities. i pray for absolutely no one: no organization, no city, no community, no church, no school, no anything to think they are more important than or above the law. laws that have been put in place to protect. i pray for the families of these boys, and for the countless other families of children that have gone through this awful situation. i pray that they overcome the, seemingly, impossible mountain of anger, hurt and brokeness. i pray that these boys and girls that have had to deal with such horrible circumstances will grow into men and women that advocate for other victims and make a positive impact on our society. i pray that there is a stop to victimizing children all together. i pray that people feel the Holy Spirit convicting them to do what is right and either walk away from doing harm, or sound an alarm when harm has been done.

and, i've been praying for a lot of kids. i'm pretty sure i've prayed for every kid i know, by name. and every child i have yet to meet... like my own. i pray for the protecting hand of God to keep them safe from all harm. that they may never know what it's like to be exploited. to be robbed of their childhoods. i pray for the children i hope to adopt one day. i pray that they come to me with their innocence in tact. i pray that every child i will ever know feels secure with the adults that their parents let them be around. i pray for every organization, school, church, volunteer program that these children will participate in... that upstanding adults, ones that want to protect these kids, will be leaders and above reproach. i pray that we teach our kids to stand up to do what is right, even if it means ridicule or adversity. i pray that Jesus takes a hold of our children's hearts and leads them to grow to be men and women that approach this world the way He did.

oh, i pray for change. huge, huge change in this world. i pray that despite these awful, horrible, disgusting circumstances that Good will come out of it. i pray that people's lives are changed for the better. i refuse to think that God isn't moving. i know He is. i trust that He is.

FIVEOEIGHT

fiveoeightdesign.com

This, my dear friends, is what has been consuming my life as of late! Not exactly the website itself, but the business! God is good... and I'm getting to work with some great families! I'm really excited and hope that you enjoy the additional blog to follow :)

Happy Monday!!